Green and Fuzzy

This year I decided to be all earthy and try to grow my own tomatoes and cucumbers. I think those are my two favorite veggies and it is so much cheaper to grow your own. Plus my dad eats more tomatoes than I do so I knew when they started ripening like 20 at a time they would not go to waste. That is how I came to have cucumber and tomato plants on my porch. I suppose if I had been smart about it I might have put them at the house where they would get more sun and rain, but I knew I would be at my apartment to water and care for them. So I chose plants that said they were good container plants. I planted them and was creative with the stakes and climbing devices I used. I gave them good soil and miracle grow snacks with plenty of water. And they started growing, and Growing, and GROWING. The plants got huge! There was a caterpillar who decided the young tomato plants were yummy but I caught and disposed of him before he did too much damage. The tomato plants continued to grow, well over the height of my current cage contraption and I had to lean them up against the wall. The cucumber plants were making so many darn yellow flowers I thought I was going to have a bazillion of them. And the tomato plant made a modest 6 flowers or so, but that was okay it was still early.

Then there never were any actual little cucumbers that grew from all those freaking flowers. Not a One! And of course no tomatoes either. So of course the next thing that happened was all the cucumber plants started dying, one by one. I had like 12 of them in there so I wasn't too worried until only 1 was left alive. But then it started to make flowers again, lots of flowers and I thought well this time I should get some cucumbers. Nope. Nada. Niet. So I let that one straggler die off too. By this time it was getting really late in the season for anything to happen and the veggies would have no chance to ripen before the first freeze. But the tomato plants were still so pretty, and so fragrant. So I kept watering them. And lo, they did make a few more flowers, but never any little green tomatoes. So when I realized it was definitely too late for them to get a chance to ripen if any tomatoes actually grew, I stopped watering them and just left them to die. See?

The dead cucumber plants are in the background and you can see how droopy the tomato plants are. And what do you think happened? Well they made more flowers of course! So I mumbled and cursed under my breath but I knew they wouldn't make any tomatoes.

Then this past weekend I walked outside to wash some clothes and noticed this

Do you see that! Do you know what time of the year it is? Don't they know its way too freaking late to even start thinking about growing! I wanted to scream. Instead I told the plant to just *&#% off. I mean come on! I couldn't get normal tomato plants like Barb from So The Thing Is, no I had to get some degenerate plants who are confused about what season it is. I mean notice that the date on this first tomato post of Barb's is July 29th and they are ripe already! Mine don't start growing till the beginning of December, never mind when they would ripen since we will never know. My plants decide to start growing during a time when the temperatures are somewhere near freezing. And I planted them early I swear! Green and fuzzy just does not work at a time when things need to be all warm and cozy because it is freezing outside. And they are fuzzy, which is quite amusing.

The Penguin just happened to be at my place when I told the tomato plant to *&#% off. I told him that next year I was putting the plants at his house so that they don't get all confused with their seasonal orientation. He told me I could do that if I wanted as long as I didn't blame him if he killed them. I guess I will have to wait until I have my own yard before I can have a decent veggie crop. Such is my life!

I guess you have to try and kill something before it fights back. But it is just too little, too late in the year...

P.S. Yes, I know I spell it tomato in singular form and tomatoes in plural form. I like the way it looks with the 'e' in it just not at the end of it. This is normal right?

Carpet Difficulties

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Or rather how many people does it take to shampoo a carpet? That is my real question here.
When I renewed my lease recently they offered to have my carpets shampooed and I gladly accepted. Granted they would have to come in and just go around my furniture, but it was still better than nothing, or so I thought. And since they only do carpets on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I went ahead and scheduled mine for this past Tuesday. But I needed to vacuum before they came. Ugggh. So me being the over achiever that I am I went ahead and moved my furniture around and stacked some up and out of the way. I figured this way it would be easier for the people to shampoo my carpets and not have to maneuver around too many things. Riiiight...that's the only reason I moved things. It was definitely not because I felt that I should get everything I could out of this service, that's not it at all. So since we all agree that I only had the best interests of the janitorial staff in mind, I went ahead and moved some furniture. Then I vacuumed the whole apartment. And I felt pretty good about what I had accomplished, so I went to bed.

-Fast forward to Tuesday night about 6:30pm when I get home from work-

I walk in the door and think hmmm....I wonder if they came and shampooed my carpets today? It doesn't really look like it...I will go to the office and ask. So I go over to the office to pay my rent and ask about the carpet stuff. Only the lady in the office doesn't know if it got done or not because she just got back from vacation today. Yeah so I should call the office tomorrow and find out. Whatever. I assumed they did come, or they didn't, but either way I needed to move my stuff back. It just felt too weird with it all stacked up. The little fact that I couldn't get in my closet and reach any clean clothes for work the next day was not a problem at all. SO I moved all my stuff back assuming I would have to call for another appointment sometime. Stuff happens right and I didn't pay for it and I got a cleaner apartment out of it so no huge deal right? Right.

-Fast forward to Wednesday night about 6:30 pm when I get home from work-

Hmmm...It's really cold in here...did I leave the AC turned down this morning? Wait the tracks on the carpet look different from when I vacuumed...I think...maybe the carpet people came today even though they were supposed to come yesterday...typical...hmph...wait did they really come? So I check the thermostat and jeez its as low as it can possibly go! Crud! I have no problem if you come in and turn the AC down while you are in here but jeez don't leave it like that all day! The electricity people, the electricity! Why don't you just take some money from my tree out on the porch too! Well okay maybe you thought the carpet needed to dry, but as low as it can go!?! Really now! Darn people, never come when they say they will and always mess things up...grumble...grumble...grumble. Oh well at least most of the carpet got cleaned right? Don't be mad that you moved all that furniture all by yourself for nothing. Don't be mad. Please don't get pissed. Don't get mad because you knew, you just absolutely positively knew that the minute you put all your stuff back that they would come anyways. Just don't do it! Oh heck, its too late, you're pissed, just admit it. Grumble...Grumble...GRUMBLE!!!

Oh well, lets just fix dinner. Wait whats this? A present? The tool fairy hath visited my kitchen! What's that you say? There is no such thing as a tool fairy? Well then, how would you explain the brand new set of nifty plier thingies that have appeared near my sink? I claim tool fairy, hmph. Fine I suppose you non believers do kind of have a point...after all, all the other fairies are our parents right? And they usually leave money in exchange for something valuable like teeth, not just tools as presents. But it could be the tool fairy, right? No? Oh fine I suppose its just another thing the carpet people messed up on. Yeah you were right, I bet you noticed that funny round metal piece sitting next to the plier thingies and you probably even knew it went to my sink didn't you. Well no one asked for a smart alec. But dangit you are right. They had to take apart the faucet and couldn't even manage to put it back together or take their tool with them when they left. Why am I not surprised?

Sooo...if I were to be serious about this whole situation I would start to question a few things. Like why the people didn't come on Tuesday like we had scheduled. And if they ONLY come on Tuesdays and Thursdays then how come they came to my place on a Wednesday? And really why did the AC have to go so low, I mean I think 70 or 75 would have done the job. And so you needed a water source that you have to screw things into so the carpet shampooer thing will work, fine. But can't you put my sink back together when you are done? And do you really have so many tools that you can just leave them in random apartments? Did something happen and you had to leave really quickly, like maybe tamales for lunch in the office or the flying dog chained to my porch scared the piss out of you and you cleaned my carpet twice and then ran?

But I prefer to be less serious about the whole thing and just simply ask:
How many people does it take to shampoo a carpet?

...and come on time...and leave the AC at a reasonable temperature...and clean up after themselves...and not leave tools behind...

I should have just kept the darn pliers!