Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Green and Fuzzy

This year I decided to be all earthy and try to grow my own tomatoes and cucumbers. I think those are my two favorite veggies and it is so much cheaper to grow your own. Plus my dad eats more tomatoes than I do so I knew when they started ripening like 20 at a time they would not go to waste. That is how I came to have cucumber and tomato plants on my porch. I suppose if I had been smart about it I might have put them at the house where they would get more sun and rain, but I knew I would be at my apartment to water and care for them. So I chose plants that said they were good container plants. I planted them and was creative with the stakes and climbing devices I used. I gave them good soil and miracle grow snacks with plenty of water. And they started growing, and Growing, and GROWING. The plants got huge! There was a caterpillar who decided the young tomato plants were yummy but I caught and disposed of him before he did too much damage. The tomato plants continued to grow, well over the height of my current cage contraption and I had to lean them up against the wall. The cucumber plants were making so many darn yellow flowers I thought I was going to have a bazillion of them. And the tomato plant made a modest 6 flowers or so, but that was okay it was still early.

Then there never were any actual little cucumbers that grew from all those freaking flowers. Not a One! And of course no tomatoes either. So of course the next thing that happened was all the cucumber plants started dying, one by one. I had like 12 of them in there so I wasn't too worried until only 1 was left alive. But then it started to make flowers again, lots of flowers and I thought well this time I should get some cucumbers. Nope. Nada. Niet. So I let that one straggler die off too. By this time it was getting really late in the season for anything to happen and the veggies would have no chance to ripen before the first freeze. But the tomato plants were still so pretty, and so fragrant. So I kept watering them. And lo, they did make a few more flowers, but never any little green tomatoes. So when I realized it was definitely too late for them to get a chance to ripen if any tomatoes actually grew, I stopped watering them and just left them to die. See?

The dead cucumber plants are in the background and you can see how droopy the tomato plants are. And what do you think happened? Well they made more flowers of course! So I mumbled and cursed under my breath but I knew they wouldn't make any tomatoes.

Then this past weekend I walked outside to wash some clothes and noticed this
Do you see that! Do you know what time of the year it is? Don't they know its way too freaking late to even start thinking about growing! I wanted to scream. Instead I told the plant to just *&#% off. I mean come on! I couldn't get normal tomato plants like Barb from So The Thing Is, no I had to get some degenerate plants who are confused about what season it is. I mean notice that the date on this first tomato post of Barb's is July 29th and they are ripe already! Mine don't start growing till the beginning of December, never mind when they would ripen since we will never know. My plants decide to start growing during a time when the temperatures are somewhere near freezing. And I planted them early I swear! Green and fuzzy just does not work at a time when things need to be all warm and cozy because it is freezing outside. And they are fuzzy, which is quite amusing.
The Penguin just happened to be at my place when I told the tomato plant to *&#% off. I told him that next year I was putting the plants at his house so that they don't get all confused with their seasonal orientation. He told me I could do that if I wanted as long as I didn't blame him if he killed them. I guess I will have to wait until I have my own yard before I can have a decent veggie crop. Such is my life!

I guess you have to try and kill something before it fights back. But it is just too little, too late in the year...

P.S. Yes, I know I spell it tomato in singular form and tomatoes in plural form. I like the way it looks with the 'e' in it just not at the end of it. This is normal right?

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